Psychotherapy Articles

Children of Same-sex Parents: Does Being Lesbigay Make a Difference?

Twenty years ago, researchers that were interested in the lives of people in the LGB community started examining the lives of children of lesbigay parents. Over the years, most of the researchers declared that there are very few or no differences between the children of heterosexual parents and children of same-sex parents in terms of development, psychological and emotional functioning, and academic functioning. The LGB community seized this information and held it up to the court systems and policy makers.

Now, an examination of research by authors Judith Stacey and Timothy Biblarz has shed some new light on some important differences in the way children of same-sex are raised and the way they these children live. In their article in the April, 2001 edition of the American Sociological Review, "(How) Does the Sexual Orientation of Parents Matter?" Stacy and Biblarz reviewed 21 studies from 1981 to 1998 and highlighted some of these differences.

Intuitively, it would make sense that any variation on the "norm" (mother and father) would result in differences in raising their children and how their children would turn out. For example, looking at what the researchers call gender role conformity, the authors found that children of lesbigay parents do not conform to the rigid roles that society has placed on the rest of us.

It makes sense that same-sex parents would have less gender role conformity. This is in part due to the fact that since we broke through culturally imposed barriers as children and adults, we would not place those same artificial standards on our children.

The researchers point out that, "Children of same-gender parents, and particularly with co-mother parents, develop in less gender-stereotypical ways than would children with two heterosexual parents”; On some measures, like aggressiveness and play preferences, the sons of lesbian mothers behave less traditionally than those raised by heterosexual single mothers.

Daughters of lesbian parents also develop in less gender-stereotypical ways. In one particular study, when asked what they would like to do when they grow up, twice as many girls of lesbian parents said that they wanted to be in an occupation that has traditionally been reserved for men than girls of heterosexual mothers.

In fact, Stacey and Biblarz note that sexual orientation and gender interact with one another. Two co-parenting women may create a synergistic pattern that bring more egalitarian, compatible, shared parenting and time spent with children, greater understanding of children, and greater closeness and communication between parents and children. The origins of this pattern cannot be understood on the basis of either sexual orientation or gender alone.

The researchers also found that social constraints, based in heterosexism and homophobia, such as being unable to legally marry, affect the quality and length of same-sex relationships. The authors note that this inequity contributes to the problem that same-sex couples on average dissolve their relationships in less time than heterosexual marriages.

As a discriminated against minority, and, as such, we see the world through a different lens than heterosexuals do. Therefore, the children of lesbigay parents would of course be affected by heterosexism as well.

Another particular phenomenon, homophobia, occurs in two ways. Same-sex couples must deal with everything from stares at the grocery store to outright ostracism at schools, places of worship, etc. and denial of parental rights for the non-biological parent. The other type of homophobia, internal homophobia, is the swallowing of these societal messages. And everything from discussions about family planning to parenting occur in this context.

In what may be the most controversial of the findings, there is a slice of evidence that the sexual orientation of parents may influence the sexual orientation of their children. In one study that Stacey and Biblarz examined, significantly more young adults raised by lesbian parents reported engaging in same-sex relationships than young adults raised by heterosexual mothers.

However, there are two shortcomings in the study. The first problem is that the researchers studied a small number of subjects (45 altogether), which affects the probability that their findings are accurate. The other problem is; Are the adult-children of lesbian moms simply more honest?

While these problems may be corrected in the future, what should we as a community think about the possibility that people raised by lesbigay people are more open to same-sex relationships? Should we in the community recoil in fear at the possibility that the religious right and conservative politicians point to these findings and say, "Aha! Children of same-sex couples are more willing to experiment with and develop same-sex relationships (and therefore we should be denied our rights)."

Let's say they do. I think we should say, "So, children of same-sex parents may be more willing to experiment and ultimately settle in same-sex relationships. Fantastic! How lucky for them!

As we move toward a more truly democratic society, people should be able to make the choices to love who they want to love, live with whom they want to live, and have children by themselves, with a same-sex partner, or in a heterosexual relationship. Period.