Psychotherapy Articles

Finances and being LGBT

Are you aware as to why you may be unable to quit worrying about money, even if you are in good financial shape? Could a lack of money somehow be related to internalized homophobia? While these questions may be difficult to answer, there are several areas worth examining when thinking about finances.

Within our community, it often seems that when people are in a financial "mess," they tend to have other messes in their lives. For example, people who avoid doing their taxes also often avoid other responsibilities, such as having insurance, finishing school, and starting a savings plan. Others who cannot seem to get their financial act together also have other areas in disarray, including friendships and love relationships.

If any of these examples ring true, it is because a relationship with money is just that: a relationship. And, like relationships with other people, some individuals tend to take better care of their financial responsibilities--both to others and to themselves.

If it's true that some financial challenges originate in the emotional realm, what are these emotional issues which hold people back from attaining a good relationship with their finances? Often our true "goals" are hidden from view, and they are based on beliefs that are so ingrained that they are unconscious. So, it is quite possible that someone may say that he or she wants financial security, but there is a basic, underlying belief that he or she is not worthy of having it. And that basic, fundamental belief is often stronger than the desire to have security.

Also, think about things you learned as a child regarding money. Have you heard that "money is the root of all evil?" We all have, except the wise quote actually said that the Love of money (over people and other living things) is the root of evil--in other words, greed is evil. But most of us have come to accept that money itself is somehow dirty or evil. If that's your belief, how can you enjoy it without feeling some guilt or shame?

People with money problems tend to fall in two camps. There are those that never have enough money and have financial difficulties, and there are those that have money but worry about losing it. Suze Orman, in her initial book "The Nine Steps to Financial Freedom," emphasizes that financial freedom is not having a lot of money. Rather, freedom is not worrying about it.

In her book, she also offers exercises where you go back to childhood and recall early experiences with money, and you would be amazed at how early experiences, and observations of our parents handling of money, can influence current financial health. We look to our parents as role-models, and if they didn't take very good care of their financial health, it is often passed down to us. Fiscal irresponsibility can also be an unconscious form of rebellion toward parents.

How could financial difficulties and internalized homophobia be related? As mentioned above, financial problems often have their origins in the emotional realm, which is where many, if not most, of our problems originate. We develop a deep-seated belief system and then act if it is true.

Add to that growing up LGBT in our society. Does someone who is seen as sick, immoral, or sinful deserve anything of value? Should this person go to college, find a great career that he or she loves, and retire with enough money to live on for the rest of his or her life? While many LGBT people become successful and have financial freedom, for many of us it is delayed until later in life or unfortunately doesn't come at all.

It takes a lot of work and much courage to come to terms with our emotional relationship with money. We have to overcome negative messages which were given to us as children, adolescents, and adults to feel worthy enough to have financial freedom. What seems to work for many people is not to work on the financial aspect of their lives first; that is the tail wagging the dog. Rather, we must first go to work on improving the quality of our lives by having fulfilling relationships with others, making attempts to finding a love relationship upon which we can build a solid foundation, finding work we enjoy, and making some kind of reconciliation with our religious upbringing. Then you have the potential for true financial freedom; to pursue your career ambitions while shedding financial worries.